Ever since I was little, I always tried to find someone else within me. Some other identity than the one I already have. Someone brave, who stands out in the crowd and is proud to do so. Someone, who doesn't take other opinions into consideration, always stands up for themselves and maybe is a bit selfish.
That is the reason, why I always liked the antagonists better. Because if you love yourself and put your own interests in the first place, you are automatically a bad person. At least, according to the media discourse. I don't wanna talk about the twisted way media portray confident people here, though. Neither do I wanna praise all the Blair Waldorfs, Jade Wests or Massie Blocks out there. I wanna talk about my own problem.
I am the ultimate wannabe.
I don't know who I truly am. Through the years, I've gathered so many pieces of other personalities, be it my friends, my family or fictional characters. I am aware of some of them - I don't curse very often because of one girl, I love a good flat white and an avocado toast thanks to a second. And I could go on. And to be honest, I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I just wanna admit it to myself out loud for the first time.
They say the first step is always to conquer the denial. I guess that's exactly what I just did. The second step is supposedly to set up a SMART goal. I'm not gonna do that, I don't really believe in them. But I am going to say this: I wanna be myself. For the first time ever.